I want you to know that you can always be yourself with me. It may be a scary thing at first, it may be the scariest thing you’ve ever done, truly opening yourself to someone and throwing away the mask you wear in hopes to fit in, but I think it’s always for the better. That’s how you genuinely get to know a person. I can relate to wanting to blend in, especially growing up and trying to find my place. But I came to a very important realization a couple of years back: some people are not going to like you and THAT’S OKAY, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or strange or odd, it just means you’re different and that’s a great thing. If everybody liked you that means that you’re molding yourself to the image that they have made of you, and that’s a dangerous road to embark on where you can lose your authentic self. So, let’s make a deal. I promise to speak my truth and be as genuine as I can be with you and do my best to break past the fear or ideas that hinder that from happening. I hope that you speak your truth and find comfort in knowing that you can continue to be fearless with me. Deal?

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There’s a quote that goes: Every person is a new door to a different world. I think this makes a lot of sense. The way I see it the world is one way, red is generally the color red (not accounting for color blindness and such), the sky has clouds and most of us drive cars (the most simple examples I could think of). But, the way each of us experiences these things may be different, whereas you may experience positivity from the color red because to you it means passion, I may associate it with bad memories because it reminds me of blood or violence. Whereas you look at the sky and see the possibility for technological advancements in aerospace engineering, somebody else may look at it and wonder about meteorology or the animals that inhabit the sky, or they may look beyond the clouds and into the cosmos and wonder about the universe. That is literally mind blowing to me, how we can all be experiencing the same world, but carry a multitude of different interpretations. This is where misunderstanding and miscommunication comes into play in my opinion, because we see the world solely through our own “glasses” that we forget that we are all wearing different kinds of glasses. This is where acceptance is importance, accepting that there are differences in perspective. Doesn’t mean you have to agree with it, doesn’t even mean that you have to respect it necessarily, but it means you’re aware of it and agree to maybe disagree or perhaps mold your perspective if the new idea introduced to you makes sense to you.

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Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that you are alive…yes, ALIVE. We go about our daily routine, forgetting that we are walking beings of life. Place your hand on your chest. Seriously, do it. You feel that beating? That’s the pounding of a human life existing within the physical home you call a body. This perfect machine beats, pounds, and drums every single second of every single day. Vibrating. Dancing. Moving. Living. How utterly amazing is that? That within us, as we go about our school work, and career work, and house work, and busy work, we have a beating machine inside of us. That things are constantly shifting inside of us and that as the world moves around us, it also moves through us. And don’t even get me started on the fact that we are able to create human life (that’s a topic for another post). We hold so much power. So much. And yet most of the time we forget. We are busy, so busy, worrying, complaining, groaning and moaning about the smallest things. Well, here’s an idea: you receive what you put out. You want positivity? Be the positive energy. You want love? Emit so much love that even strangers feel your presence. You want happiness? Be the happiness. All this starts from within. Always and forever from within. Within this perfect and beautiful body where your soul resides. Be aware that you are in there, that you are powerful beyond what you could ever imagine. And once you’ve realized that, don’t just sit there with this knowledge, do something about it and start living the life you want instead of just wishing it. We’re all capable of this. Every single one of us

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What are your interests? Because I have my assumptions.

> “What are your interests? Because I have my assumptions.”

> “What are your assumptions?”

> “I assume that your primary and most dominating thought is not of acquiring the attention of beautiful young women. Is not of seducing them with Hungarian romantics. I assume this because you have shown a rather anti-social behavior when the opportunity is clearly all around you. Are you timid or simply taken?”

> “Your assumption is not entirely incorrect. However, the answer to your final questions is no, for both.”

> “Your lack of interest has me feeling quite insignificant.”

> “So you are saying that you place your level of significance on others attention, primarily men?”

> “Not always, or often. But when an attractive opposite seems to have very little interest in you, you begin to question your appearance.”

> “Though I found it rather forward the way you talked to me about my eyes and inquired about the personal knowledge of my attractiveness, I confess that it was quite entertaining.”

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Who am I? Why am I?


Nearly twenty one years of life, two decade, and yet sometimes I feel like a child. It’s crazy to think just how much has changed in the past two decades. I look at old photos and the surroundings and clothing look like something out of an old movie. It’s almost strange to think that twenty years from now we will be looking back and having that same reaction towards our present time, this time that we find so modern. This moment, right now, seems so important. To us, it is the only thing. We may have visions of the future, and goals we want to keep, and we may fall into a reverie of the past, but the present tense is what is most significant. It is all that we have. All that we are essentially guaranteed is this very second you are breathing, you are thinking, you are living. It’s almost as if we breathe out sighs of relief every time we exhale, relieved that we get to experience another moment, another opportunity to live. We are not guaranteed that we will wake up tomorrow, we aren’t even guaranteed that we will return home after leaving for work or school. So isn’t it worth to live the best life you can?

But everybody says this, right? Everybody says that time passes by so fast, that you have to live in the moment, follow your passions, be happy. Everybody says that, but how many people actually fulfill this? We all speak a common language. We all speak the language of life, the language of heart beats, of breathing, of being. And we are born into this world, yearning for something, searching for that one thing that will make it worthwhile, when in the end everything we need is within ourselves. Love. But, there’s this disease that causes us to miss the opportunities, to hesitate, to double think and double think and double think, and that is fear. Fear, a self-destruction technique that is taught to us when we are very young, keeps us from living our lives to our fullest potential. We are taught to think that it is important what others think of us, and for this reason, out of fear of rejection, of not being accepted, we mold and manipulate ourselves into fitting that person’s ideals, just for that attention, just to get that reward. But, when you go home at the end of the day, and lay in your room in the darkness and your thoughts, who are you? When you are alone, it is possible that you are closer to your true self than the “you” you present in front of others, because there is no one to please, to judge. Or is there? We all have an inner judge, and an inner image of ourselves the way we SHOULD be, or act, or think. An image created by the fear of wanting to be accepted, because acceptance equals love, but not the way we think it does. So if we are judged by others, and we are judged by ourselves, then who are you? Who am I? Why am I?

Scary isn’t it? To think that who you are right now, may not be who you really are. But, here’s the thing, most of us have no idea what is going on, even when we think we do. We are living in this world, following these rules because we have to, listening to our parents because we have to, going to school, getting an education, getting a job, starting a business, all this because we “have to.” But…is this what you truly want? So many people live their lives out for others, because they think that will make them happy, that making others happy and having their acceptance will cure the loneliness in their heart. And it’s hard, when we have all these voices in our head, and voices in our life telling us to be this way, and be that way, and you should, you should, you should. The only thing we really need, is to follow what makes us happy, whatever it is. Society seems to constrain us by these rules and responsibilities, and I am not suggesting we all act in violent rebellion, simply that we reflect and think “What makes me happy? What makes my heart sing and my chest swell?” Whatever it is, do it, follow it, and do your best. Do your best because you deserve to be happy. Do your best, because fear should not keep you from your birth right. To live, to love, to thrive, to be, and to be happy.

(Image is not mine.)

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Where Language Is Transformed Into Sighs and Warmth

> I refuse to be one of the many girls that falls under your spells.

> Is that so? He mesmerizes me with his eyes. How can you say such things when you’re already under the magic.

> I refuse to give you the power to control. It’s tiring meeting people at bars and clubs and pretending to form these significant relationship when in reality it’s all superficial: all momentary touch and grind. But how are we to know that difference? When we are brought up taught to go out and flirt with your eyes and attire and mouth. To form these temporary, just-for-tonight experiences where everything is lost in the morning. To live in the moment in this way. But in reality, does it mean anything when you can’t remember the name of your fleeting lover or the night in it’s entirety?

> You think entirely too much. Let me kiss you.

> No, because there is vast significance in the contact of human lips, where language is transformed into sighs and warmth, and wet and tangled. I do think entirely too much, to this I will admit. I experience these seemingly small situations which I then dissect and explode and give universal significance. Back to the contemporary dilemma with romantic relationships: Girls smile and boys smirk and girls throw shy glances through batted eye lashes and boys buy drinks and ask for dances and then for kisses and then for more. The emotions of the present tense transform into human contact which transform into stumbled steps up apartment staircases which transform into ecstasy and pleasure, for the lucky ones. Only then to awaken, perhaps cotton mouthed, perhaps not, in strange locations with strange surroundings with a stranger, soundly asleep on your side.

I’d like to think that these decisions are always regretted. That girls and boys wish they were different. However, some (and at a disturbingly alarming rate, it seems that most) find it absolutely worthy of their time, their time, their body.

But I refuse to become another girl from another city on another list. I am far more important than that. And there are plenty of other girls willing to fill in the role of the temporary fling, but not I. No sir, not I.

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To Be Alone

ImageTo be alone, to be your own company, is to discover thoughts that perhaps you didn’t know that you thought. To look at known objects and wonder about their existence. To ask why and how and when and for how long. Do we really know how to be with ourselves? To sit and hear the world around us and participate yet not participate. Even now, sitting upon a wooden bench in an empty park in Germany with a church offering guidance and the birds their songs, I resort to technology to write. Because I have forgotten my notebook I tell myself. But really, do I have the capacity to sit here, sans technology, sans distractions other than nature and the music around me? I don’t know, and that is sad. Sad that we live not in the present world, but in a digital one. There are some, however, that hold the ability to sit with themselves, to be their own company. Those who I envy. And yet perhaps it’s all a facade, and they are swimming with thoughts that I would dare not even approach. Maybe it’s all a show. Maybe they too are envious of others who live and love in present tense.

To be alone, is to not be lonely. There is a difference. It is to be in the present, a feat that is easier said than done.

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The Romance of Hope

The Things I Forgot I Wrote (Part II) 


I write this as if I’ve fallen, fallen spinning into the romance of hope. Literally, I have a nice conversation with an equally nice looking boy and I can’t control the thoughts that race through me. It’s always like this. My hope gets the best of me, scenarios play across my eyes dazzling me into thinking something out of possibly nothing. And can I blame myself? It’s been a while, a while since I’ve felt the nervousness, the uneasiness, the expectation. I know I need to breathe, to take it calmly..but it’s only human, to want a connection with another. To want the warmth, the touch, the affection, different from what a family member or friend can offer. The scent gets me every time too, the smell so distinctive to guy’s cologne is like a siren’s call beckoning me into it’s arms. Every single time. And then I hype myself up, down, up, down, up. So very up and so very down. Thinking that this and that could happen and then shushing myself reminding myself to breathe, to simply let it be. To enjoy what is happening in the right now, to smile at what happened before, but to not expect grand things in the future to avoid disappointment. I wonder, what would I be thinking about if that hadn’t happened? I feel like one of those crazy attached girls. So amateur. But letting go is so hard because it was so nice and he was so charming. I just remember that I walk in uneasy territory, because this not only “affects” myself, but others as well. So I will smile when I reminisce, giggle at the glimpse of possibilities I allow myself to fall into, send love and light in that direction, but ultimately let it go.

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Real Talk

“Okay, real talk. I’m an optimist, a happy individual, I try to see life’s obstacles as educational challenges rather than burdens, and I try to see the good in everything and everyone. Does this mean I don’t have my bad days? Of course not, there are days where I am grumpy over nothing, or the smallest of things irritates me. And when I encounter those days, I try to take a moment to breathe and find the root of the feelings. Why am I feeling this way? Always easier said than done…A couple of years ago, I think it was when I was in middle school, I made a choice, I chose to be happy, to live a happy life and be positive. Because to me happiness is a CHOICE. You can choose to focus in the bad things of the situation, or take your moment to grief, vent, cry, and then look for the good and move forward from there. Always, always easier said than done. It’s unfortunate to know that some people interpret this way of being to be fake, that because nobody can be happy all the time then my positive attitude must not be genuine, that it’s robotic. In the same breath it’s important to recognize that not everybody will understand or be accepting of who you are, and that’s OKAY. (If your friends are the ones telling you these things, it’s often that in their eyes they are attempting to help you, no matter their form of delivery.) We are all different and have a right to be so. By writing this I’m not saying that being a realist or a pessimist or anything else is wrong, I’m simply expressing that optimism is the lifestyle choice that works for ME. With that being said, I know I post a lot of positive messages and quotes on this account, some find it encouraging, others may find it annoying, again, we all have a right to our own opinion. My ultimate desire is that the things I post help anybody, speak to another human soul, even if it’s in the slightest of ways. I’m not perfect, I don’t claim to be, I’m a student of life and am continuously benefiting from life’s lessons. I think life is beautiful and challenging, and if we were to try to see it with grateful eyes, we will see all that we are grateful for and consequently begin to live a happier life. Just something that had been on my mind for a while now. Thanks to those who actually read all this, and for sticking around as a follower. I appreciate each and every one of you!”

Just a little something I posted on my instagram (maria_jose_toro) a while back and I decided to share it on here!



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You never know who you’re inspiring

This thing we call life, this beautiful manifestation of a soul encapsulated in a human form, can often be challenging. There are moments where we may want to throw in the towel, where all of our efforts appear to be in vain, where we’ve lost passion or motivation or courage. But everything is significant, even the most difficult situations are presented to add some sort of value in our lives, whether it be a lesson or a realization.

On this challenging road let us not forget that we often have admirers. I don’t mean this in the sense of doting fans chasing us down for a picture or an autograph (do people even ask for those anymore?). I refer to everyday peers, family members, classmates, co-workers, somebody, anybody, may look up to us, do look up to us. Now we may not realize this, because it’s not something to come up in everyday conversation. We don’t realize this until the emergence of a meaningful and deep conversation, where they say to you “I look up to you,” “You are my role model,” “Those words you said to me or this thing that you did that one time really helped me and have stayed with me.” Bewildering to see that in fact, as insignificant as we may feel sometimes, we have purpose, we have the ability to influence human life, to cause a reaction, to spark inspiration, to motivate, to love.

I believe you are worthy, and that everybody has a basic purpose, and that is to love. Not in the dramatic romantic theatrical way, not even in the physical way, but to love yourself and then subsequently to love others. It’s so easy to get caught up in the everyday tasks and forget to love, forget to appreciate, forget to sincerely congratulate, not only to others, but to ourselves as well.

So when the going gets tough we must remember to always do what is in our best interest (you come first in your life, always), but if you can’t seem to find that inspiration within yourself at the moment, remember that you have your admirers who look up to you. That your life has brought worth and value into another, that you are significant.

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